Chances are, if you are here, you are dealing with the recent loss of someone you love to suicide.  Most people that have lost a loved one to suicide find it difficult to think clearly and have intense emotional reactions to the death.  Suicide is difficult to make sense of and understand.  In the emotionally charged atmosphere, guilt and blame can result in conflict, arguments and a breakdown in communication and relationships. This increases the level of distress and can leave some feeling isolated and alone.  If anyone is feeling particularly angry, which is not unusual, it is helpful to keep in mind that it is beneficial for the long-term wellbeing of the family, and especially children, that care and support are offered to everyone in these heightened emotional circumstances.

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We at Evan’s Promise want you to know we understand what you are going through.  We have been right where you are today.  You do not need to go through this alone.  There are people available to you when you are ready.  You can go to the Support Group page to locate support near you.

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It is normal during this period of grief for you to forget things and feel as though you are in a fog.  This is known as ‘grief brain’ and can last for a period of months to years.  It is usually during the early stage of grief that you will find yourself consumed with trying to answer the “why” question.  You must know that you are not to blame for the suicide death of someone else.  Feelings of despair, sorrow, guilt, anger, physical illness and sleeplessness are all very normal after the death of a loved one by suicide.  Everyone, including those in the same family, will react differently to the same event.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve during this time.  There is no timeline for grieving.  You, yourself, may feel suicidal.  If that is the situation, you need to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text  HOME to 741741 for 24/7 crisis support or dial 911 for immediate help. 

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Immediately following the death of your loved one, people may began gathering and preparing ways to help you.  This will be a confusing and highly emotional time for you.  You may find the additional people comforting or stressful and confusing.  We suggest having one close family member or friend be the point person of contact for you during the first few days after the death.  Let these people help you.  Be direct and give your point person your list of needs.  You may need meals prepared, childcare/transport, laundry, someone to stay with you, someone to take phone calls and messages, or airport shuttle services for out of town guests.  It may not be your nature to let others help, but it will be needed now.  Whatever your needs, let others know and help.  Most of the people that come to support you will be your family and friends, but co-workers, church members, neighbors and other community supporters may also show up. 

The biggest help of all may be to have someone there to simply sit beside you and listen.  You can find local support groups in your area that have people that have experienced very similar situations as you are currently in.  You can also go to grief.com  to find Peer Support Grief Educators that can be available to you.